Verbum Dei Disciples Silent Retreat 2025 - You Are My Friends
By Nicole Jegathesan. Posted on 23 Apr 2025.
Verbum Dei Disciple for 22 years from Saturday Couples Group
Our annual Verbum Dei disciples' silent retreat was held from 11th to 13th April at St. Francis Xavier Retreat Centre at Punggol with the theme - “You are my Friends”. The five sessions of preaching by our missionaries centered on Peter's story, and we were invited to journey with Peter as he entered into a deeper friendship with Jesus. During the retreat, we experienced a powerful and intimate moment of fraternal sharing, where we each shared our personal stories with Jesus. At the end of the retreat, those disciples with temporal commitments gathered to renew their commitments, reaffirming their dedication to the Verbum Dei charism and mission. We also had the joy of welcoming Joan Wong into our community, who took the step of making her disciple commitment for the first time.
Here is my sharing:
"For if you want to save your own life, you will lose it, but if you lose your life for my sake, you will save it." Lk 9:23
In the welcomed silence, I was taken aback at how new the familiar word of God is. I cheered when Peter chose to put his trust in Jesus rather than his human logic and pushed his boat forward into deeper waters. His willingness to be led by Jesus, "If you say so" warmed my heart. That’s the way of discipleship, surely! Then I felt an uncomfortable awakening when Peter tried to dissuade Jesus from his mission and was rebuked. I recognised myself in Peter’s fears of following Jesus into the unknown, facing untold sufferings and likely, even death. I felt small and almost ashamed of my instinctive human desire for self-preservation. Then Jesus held our feet and washed them. I felt his tender, blameless touch as he beheld our common shortcomings, human limitations and constant struggle with the tension of wanting to be a fearless follower while bargaining for a relatively pain-free life. When Peter denied Jesus 3 times and our Lord "turned and looked straight" at him, not only without blame but with perfect understanding and unconditional love, I too, received that look from Jesus with deep gratitude. I understood how easy it would be to deny Jesus in order to save my own life.
Surely, I couldn't have fallen into the temptation of pride, to think that I have travelled far enough with my Master and that I’m familiar enough with his way of thinking and loving? Just as Jesus re-entered Peter’s life at daybreak and graced him with the courage to go deeper one more time, Jesus helped me to understand that if I did not allow him to accompany me in looking at my many flaws and shortcomings, I would never be able to grow in true humility and gratitude. I would never be genuinely capable of extending that same love and forgiveness to others, either. He has set a clear example for me on how to be a friend till the very end, and now, Jesus led me to look without blame or shame at the story of our friendship, thus far.
We walked together, my Lord and I, on that warm Saturday evening. I spoke of all the occasions when he appeared to be absent and silent - the times when I had to face my children's diagnoses of autism, congenital birth defects, their debilitating mental health challenges, my own illness, and recently my spouse, John's, medical crisis that has changed his life and our lives forever. These were the times when I was overwhelmed by the thought of the weight of the cross I'm called to carry. Alone. When its shadow eclipsed the hope, the faith that I carried in my heart. I was dialoguing with myself in a constant stream of what-ifs; entertaining fearful thoughts of what these crises meant and where they would lead me, into the terrifying unknown.
But Jesus showed me in prayer that I lost more than the “normal” life that I naively expected. I had lost much of my paralysing fear of losing control over my own life, of watching the ones I love suffer and ultimately that of death itself. And I had gained a sense of peace and joy that cannot be taken away, despite my sufferings. In my darkest hours, I have a friend who loves me till the very end (Eis Telos)!! He suffers with me, cries with me and affirms me, often through this Verbum Dei community which He has given to me in all generosity.
He encourages me to “forget yourself and take up your cross everyday” and “feed my sheep.” To follow him on a unique, one-of-a-kind journey of discovery, growth and fruitfulness. Not to distant, far away lands but rather, into the uncharted waters of my mundane, daily life and allowing the encounters with his friendship to renew the landscape of my heart again and again.
He entered Peter’s boat and He never left. It has been the same for me.